Burning candles and BHAGs - Lessons in Time, Focus, and Growth

I recently learned the “right way” way to burn a candle. While browsing last minute Christmas presents at a local artisan market, I stumbled upon candle stall – you know the kind that are poured into jars with names like “Strawberry Shortcake” and “Vanilla Breeze”. You smell a few, like far too many, and end up leaving empty handed overwhelmed by all the choices. The candles at this stall had crystals and coloured stones embedded in the wax, just on the surface. A little too fancy for my liking.

Perhaps to try and keep me engaged in his products in the hope of making a sale, the stall owner asked me if I knew how to burn a candle correctly. I had to think for a bit, I thought perhaps it was a trick question. I then realised, I had never really thought about it and therefore probably didn’t know the answer. So, I replied as such.

The owner explained that when you light a candle, you should let it burn long enough for the entire surface to melt. Using the size of the jars in front of me as reference, he said I would need to let the candle burn for about 4-5 hours before blowing it out. He went on to explain that if you blow a candle out before then, when only part of the top surface has melted, then you will create a well. The well will be the only part of the candle that will burn thereafter rendering the rest of the candle, all the wax exterior to the well, completely useless and shortening the life of the candle. I thanked the matua for the info, wished him a Merry Xmas and continued to browse the next few stalls.

This simple lesson didn’t resurface for me until today when I lit a candle to create ambient light and a sweet caramel fragrance whilst having a second go at my goals for 2025. Which then led me to writing this blog (and discovering a few candles where I’ve clearly done it wrong in the past - check out this sad one, wells upon wells).

I thought twice about lighting the candle as I had to think about whether I had 4-5 hours runway to let it do its thing. Candles, I realised, offer more than light and fragrance. They offer time. Maybe you already knew this, but it was a new insight for me. A candle, when given the time and space to burn completely, provides its full potential. It’s a lesson I could apply to more than just candles.

Take books for example. I love books and have a fair share of them throughout my whare. Mostly non-fiction, a range of self-improvement and life coaching books; a bunch of reo Māori and ao Māori pukapuka; a few classics; and a fair share of pop-fiction types – mostly presents.

Yet I have a guilt secret to share - I have a bad habit of starting books and not finishing them. I have about 4 books on the go now, and that’s just the latest cycle. Past behaviour suggests I will buy a new book or 2 and start those before finishing my current reads let alone the other uncompleted books sitting pretty on my shelves.

What does this say about me? Perhaps I love the idea of books more than the act of reading them? Writing this sentence actually made me LOL! I often feel a calling to engage with a book. Fueled by a recommendation or suggested by my algorithm. I crack into the book and I’m all about it for a period. But soon, the initial spark fades, and finishing the book starts to feel like a chore. The joy and purpose slip away.

Or perhaps, just like with the candle, I haven’t asked myself if I have enough time and space to truly engage with the book. By dipping in and out, I end up creating a “well” in my reading experience. I miss the fullness of its meaning and the value that could have been unlocked if I’d stayed the course and given it my full attention.

Current pukapuka on the go…

I’m starting to wonder: could this same lesson apply to self-improvement? The start of a new calendar year brings cause to the masses to reflect and let go of the year that was, in order to set fresh goals for the year ahead. Often these goals focus on the ‘new and improved version’ of one’s self.

But before diving into these goals, perhaps we need check in with ourselves and ask if we have the time and space to truly commit to them? Are we prepared to commit enough time for our goals to grow, develop, and materialize?

Much like the candle, the first step - lighting the wick - shouldn’t be rushed. We need to be prepared to give our goals time and space to melt fully. Like a book, we need to leverage the early excitement and energy to get stuck into the first few chapters - giving us a stronger chance to buy into the story. More importantly, we need to make enough time and space to work through the chunky middle section of the book, the part where true character formation often happens, and relationships deepen. In relation to our goals, this is often the time where our motivation can be tested. Life gets busy, and sometimes the initial reason for why you made the goal in the first place can get lost, especially if results are not immediate. Once we push through this part, it becomes easier to see that the end is in sight. This can help provide another burst of motivation. You race through the final chapters so you can see how the story ends.  

Over the years, my self-improvement journey has been a bit like how I read books - dipping in and out with multiple goals on the go at once. Mahi, health, relationships, finances, reo, and creativity - these are all areas I’ve worked on, sometimes intentionally, sometimes because life has demanded it. My first go at goal setting for this year lead me to 32 goals across ten categories. A bit overwhelming, I’ll admit. That’s the overachiever in me and hence today’s goal-setting session was the second attempt!

In fairness, most of my goals are continuations of progress I’ve already made. They build on the foundations I’ve laid over recent years having done a shit load of work on myself. But there are also a handful of big hairy audacious goals (BHAGs), because if it’s meant to be, then it’s up to me!

I turned 45 just five days ago and one of my BHAGs is to live at least until I’m 90. Anything beyond that is a bonus. When I say “live”, I mean living fully. So, with that BHAG now living out in the world, I realise I’m halfway there with another 45 to go. What an opportunity! To live another 45 years (minimum), building on what I’ve already learned.

I’m in the middle of my story right now. This is where I need some solid time and real grit to push through. I’m 2 hours into the 4-hour burn of the candle this time. Undoubtedly, distractions will come from all directions. New books will call. Other goals will beckon. But I want to avoid blowing out the candle too soon, leaving only a half-burned wick and unfulfilled potential.

So, here’s what I’m taking away from this lesson:

Slow down. Stay the course.

Find joy taking time, in staying focused longer, in letting the journey unfold at its own pace. Allow your goals to develop fully - burn all the way to the edges. Create a mystery, a pick a path, do the unexpected if you need to keep the journey interesting to hold your attention.

Burn as bright as you can for as long as you can. Then, when you’ve reached your limit, take a break. Trim the wick and get ready to light it again.

The light you give off is only as bright as the time you allow yourself to burn.